The Mid-Year Check-In That Changed My Life
How my husband and I audit our lives, our goals, and our courage—plus the 5-step review that keeps me accountable to Future Me.
The world feels heavy.
First came the news that Charlie Kirk was shot and killed at a university event in Utah yesterday. And today marks the 24th anniversary of 9/11.
I almost didn’t publish today. But both of these moments are stark reminders of how fragile and uncertain life really is—and why it’s so important to pause, audit our lives, and hold ourselves accountable to the things that matter. We don’t know how much time we have.
So today, instead of keeping this behind the paywall, I’m opening it up to everyone. My Thursday posts are usually just for paid subscribers, but in light of the weight of this week, I wanted to share this framework with anyone who might need it. If even one person walks away with more clarity, alignment, or courage, it’s worth it.
Why We Do This
Twice a year—once in July, once in December—my husband and I sit down at the kitchen table with coffee, our notebooks, and the unspoken agreement that no question is off-limits.
It’s not romantic. It’s not even comfortable. But it’s the most important ritual we have. Our personal and professional audit. We call it the check-in. (Not the most original name, I know.)
Really, it’s holding up a mirror and asking:
Are we living the life we said we wanted?
Are we still heading in the right direction, or just moving fast?
What do we need to let go of, even if it’s comfortable?
Truthfully, I drive the process. My husband is a good sport. I suspect he hates it in the moment, but he always tells me afterward how grateful he is that I push us forward, as individuals and as partners.
Because here’s the thing: the calendar tells the truth. If your time, money, and energy don’t align with your stated priorities, your “yeses” are misplaced.
And I don’t want to drift through my life by accident.
Why Check-Ins Work
Research proves what I’ve learned by trial and error.
A study from Dominican University found that people who shared weekly progress reports with an accountability partner achieved their goals at far higher rates than those who didn’t. The odds of success jumped from just 10% if you only had an idea… to 95% if you committed to someone else and set check-in appointments (Matthews, 2015). That’s why it’s always great when you have a gym buddy, the mere presence of someone else holding you accountable to showing up increases your chances of success.
Meanwhile, 88% of New Year’s resolutions fail within the first two weeks, and only 9% succeed overall. Why gamble on a system with an 80% failure rate when you can course-correct now?
Even productivity experts like Cal Newport argue that rigid, packed goals, can backfire (Newport, 2016). Our check-in flips that. It’s not about piling on more. It’s about subtracting what doesn’t belong, so there’s space for what does.
No more “I’m too busy.” That’s just code for misplaced priorities.
The 5-Part Mid-Year Courage Check-In
Here’s the framework we’ve used over the years.
1. The Alignment Audit
Ask: What did I say mattered most and does my calendar prove it?
This one stings. We lay it all out: where our time, energy, and money actually went. The gap is never just “being busy.” It’s about what we were willing to make space for.
Companies that run regular performance check-ins are 4.2x more likely to outperform peers and see 30% higher revenue growth (Gallup, 2021). The same applies to life.
Contrarian idea: stop measuring success only by outcomes. Measure it by your actions. If your calendar lies, own it and fix it now.
2. The Evidence List
Progress is sneaky. It often doesn’t feel like progress.
That’s why I keep an evidence list: wins (big and small) and lessons from the misses. On the hard days, it’s proof I’m not standing still. Sometimes we realize we’ve come further than we thought. Other times, the evidence forces us to admit we’ve been circling the same problem for months.
Studies show people who track and share progress achieve their goals at dramatically higher rates (Matthews, 2015).
Bold challenge: if your evidence list is thin, stop hiding behind your “potential” or ideas. Write down the proof—or admit you’re stalling. What have you done for you lately?
3. The Quit List
Ask: What am I saying no to, even if it’s good?
This is my favorite. We write down the projects, commitments, relationships, and habits we’re willing to let go of—even the “good” ones that secretly drain us. You can’t make space for what you want most if you keep saying yes to what you want least.
For example, my husband spends most of his day on the phone for his business. Last year, I asked him to audit those calls. Which ones were driving his business goals forward? Which ones were just a waste of energy? Once he looked honestly, he cut what didn’t matter—and it freed up hours he didn’t even realize he was losing.
It may sound harsh, but time is the most finite resource we have. You only get 24 hours in a day. If you don’t use them wisely, someone else will use them for you.
Psychology backs this up: disengaging from unattainable goals lowers stress, boosts well-being, and strengthens self-mastery (Wrosch et al., 2003).
Contrarian view: quitting something fast that’s no longer aligned or serving you isn’t failure. It’s a power move.
4. The Courageous Ask
Every quarter, I choose one bold move that scares me, a pitch, a tough conversation, a request I’d rather avoid. Almost every leap in my career has come from these asks.
Research shows intentional risk-taking predicts higher career advancement, especially for women (Seibert et al., 2001).
puts it best: “chasing discomfort often yields more growth than chasing happiness.”Challenge: what’s your one bold move for the next 111 days left in this year?
5. The Space-Maker Question
Ask: What didn’t I make space for and why?
This always reveals the thing that changes everything if I actually prioritize it. Sometimes it’s health. Sometimes it’s creative work. Sometimes it’s rest.
Without naming it, it won’t happen.
Creating space reduces stress and enhances well-being (Hobfoll, 2011).
Bold truth: if you didn’t make space, it’s because you chose not to. Own it.
Final Thoughts
This isn’t a reset. It’s not a resolution. It’s a review.
There are still 111 days, 2,664 hours, left in the year. You don’t have to wait until January 1st to get realigned.
Ask yourself:
What am I keeping?
What am I letting go?
Who am I becoming?
Because motivation gets you started. But accountability gets you to the finish line.
With Courage,
Maryam
📩 This post is public. Share it with someone who might need the nudge today.
Sources
Matthews, G. (2015). Goal setting and accountability research, Dominican University of California.
Gallup (2021). Performance Management: Why Goals Alone Aren’t Enough.
Newport, C. (2016). Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World.
Wrosch, C., Scheier, M. F., Carver, C. S., & Schulz, R. (2003). The importance of goal disengagement in adaptive self-regulation: When giving up is beneficial. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 29(12), 1494–1508.
Seibert, S. E., Kraimer, M. L., & Crant, J. M. (2001). What do proactive people do? A longitudinal model linking proactive personality and career success. Personnel Psychology, 54(4), 845–874.
Hobfoll, S. E. (2011). Conservation of resources theory: Its implication for stress, health, and resilience. In S. Folkman (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of Stress, Health, and Coping. Oxford University Press.
Burkeman, O. (2021). Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.